My God is creative – a self-evident thing. My God is also free, as I’ve explained in the past few blogs. It is then very natural – consistent with the nature of God and reality – for me, a child of God, to be free to create. My pursuit of Christ can absolutely involve a vocation as an artist. It is no diversion from more “important” work. My faith in God empowers and does not diminish an enthusiastic and playful devotion to a craft. In the abundance of what God has created, and in the security of his sovereignty, there is sufficient space in which to invest in the development of my lyric, sound, and community. I will always attempt to fashion my art with a redemptive edge; doing so includes a justification of simply creating beauty. God creative and free can endorse and empower my own freedom and creativity.
Stating all of this is for me a dramatic divergence from the scarcity paradigm and the crisis mentality that I resonated with for so long. I had felt that Good needed me to always and constantly do that which would make me optimally effective for the kingdom, as I understood the kingdom. My understanding of what was effective for God produced a very narrow selection of vocations and behaviors which were useful to God. I could do others, but I would thus be less “effective” and would be losing God something.
I realized recently that the fact that my both my parents quit artistic careers to be useful to God has significantly impacted me. My parents, in their desire to be faithful to God, chose not to be artists but to be front-line tribal evangelists.
For two reason this presents a challenge to my decision to be an artist, for the reason of a loss and the reason of a gain. The loss is that of an artistic vocation. My parents’ choice made it difficult for me for me to justify doing something like the opposite of what they chose, to diverge from the missionary life of my youth into the vocation of an artist. Notably, my parents never actually diminished my artistry. They actually explicitly told me seven years ago and perhaps earlier as well that they would support my going into music. In my head, however, I did not know how to be confident that doing so would make me effective for God. It seemed to me that choosing a career as a musician could potentially make me less effective for God than Christians who are in ministry. My crisis mentally impressed on me that potentially losing “effectiveness” was not OK. It would be frivolous and wasteful. Being a minister, then, was the safe route, that route which was more likely to make me useful to God. If I chose to be an artist I, might end up being a second-tier Christian; or one who doesn’t holds less value in terms of being useful for the kingdom of God. In my perception, God was not large enough or creative enough to use an artist as much as a missionary for the work he was struggling to do.
The second reason that my parent’s choice to leave artistic vocations for tribal evangelism presents a challenge to my choice to be an artist is the reason of a gain. Though there was cost to their choice, they gained a great deal, as did I through their choice. To say nothing of international travel and excursions to exotic places, my parents gained a great deal in the way of community and fulfillment. The mission field is full of broken people, but they are also beautiful, beautiful people and the community built among ministry comrades is precious. Those are deep and tender bonds. My parents gained a precious community, and fulfillment as well. They did actually start a church (or God through them) in the tribe. Though I faced depression through much of my field time, I also remember the feeling of deep joy upon hearing that the people were worshipping God. My parents knew, and I felt to some significant depth, that we were part of something amazing.
So this is my dilemma: my parents gained this fulfillment and community after having left artistic vocations. Can I too be part of something amazing if I do the opposite and choose an artistic vocation Can I know deep fulfillment and community if I choose something so frivolous and indulgent as art?
At this point finally I can answer in the affirmative. I will receive what God will provide in my choice to be an artist and what he provides will be enough. I will have a different kind of community and different kind of fulfillment, but I will still be part of God’s good work. I can at last state this confidently: God who is free and creative is able to employ my life as an artist for his purposes. For this reason I can finally have a clear conscience in choosing to be an artist. God made me an artist and creative. He is absolutely able to make my art part of his redemptive purposes. I can relax about that. I don’t have to worry about whether or not I will be useful. Faithfulness, for me, will naturally include fostering creative gifts. God can make my artistry a participation in his creative redemptive work.
I’m not failing God simply by choosing to invest in creativity. Perhaps doing so is more of a demonstration of the nature of God than evangelicalism tends to allow. Some of the first manifestations in people of the Spirit of God were empowerment of artists to be creative – but that’s a discussion for another day. It will suffice here to say that my choice to be a creative is not somehow a neglect of “important” Christian work but does naturally, by God’s sovereignty and grace, fall within his redemptive work. Furthermore, God is pleased with me and is not disappointed that I didn’t choose vocational ministry. He has things in hand. He can afford to endorse and enjoy what he has gifted me to do.
I submit that like Eric Liddell who said he felt God’s pleasure when he ran in the Olympics, I feel God’s pleasure when I sing. My relationship with my capable and kind Father increases my enjoyment of my craft. My faith increases the enthusiasm with which I create. I feel that God extends his creative and redemptive power through me. I am part of something beautiful. My assurance that God has things in hand and that he is competently saving, compels me not to be a savior but to witness to a savior. I can see myself as a herald and that is a fun place to be. God in his faithfulness has given different gifts to different people. We each may own our gifts and come into our roles in a sovereignly arranged body, a providential collective (1 Cor. 12). I get to participate in God work by doing my part. My part includes making art.
God knows where I’m at. Since he has absolutely received me in his Son – since I am by perfect grace consumed – he is able to value me and invest in me even with all of my deficits. Even in the area of my gifting, I have so much to learn. God is not miserly in affection that he withholds his affirmation until I’ve become “pro”. Like a good parent he affirms, now. He nurtures and provides growth opportunities. Somehow, he can even use my small and incomplete offerings for the furthering of his redemptive purposes. I’m in a very awkward and developmental stage of my music vocation. That is OK. God loves me. I’m valued. I’m safe. God is not week and resourceless that he needs me to be farther along than I am. He doesn’t need me at all, but he is pleased in what I offer, like he was pleased with the boy’s offering of five loaves and two fish. Evidently Christ can affirm what is offered though it hardly matches the need. He can receive what is availed and then multiply and distribute it as he pleases.
A crisis mentality makes you despair at all your insufficiencies. God met that in me and said its all contained in grace. There is grace for my insufficiencies and there is space for me to grow. God is not so fatigued and spread thin that he needs me to be more than I am. Sovereign and competent, he gives me to opportunity to avail my gifts, but he never depended on my performance to accomplish his work.
I’m interested in fashioning my art with a redemptive edge. I want my gifts to always be available to God’s purposes. For me that includes, but is not limited to, writing songs rich with theological theming and Psalmic expression. Additionally I want to press in to the production of excellence and beauty in the faith that all that is good comes from the Father. Making beautiful music, regardless of its particular themes, is itself worthwhile and naturally refers to the first Artist and Creator. All art of quality ultimately resounds from God’s creativity and – even if the author doesn’t know it – is enabled by God. Because God is, beauty is. While producing music with Christian themes is good, making music without Christian themes but which is beautiful is not a waste of a gift. I may enter that landscape with a good conscience. Not every song has to have a bible verse or alter call in it. Not every painting has to have a biblical element in it to be God-honouring. All that is made is God’s and all that is beautiful ultimately refers back to God. I’m not wasting God’s time if I write a love song. God isn’t worried about my effectiveness if I make an instrumental album, or a reflection on the Rocky Mountains. The faithful application of my gift may involve the raw and simple pursuit of excellence and beauty.
I’ve needed to work through all of this to be able to apply myself to an artistic vocation with a clear conscience. I have hope that God is creative enough to use my creative giftings for redemptive purposes. Am I free to be creative, inventive, explorative without knowing precisely the good or the “fruit” of my venture? I am because God himself is free and creative and absolutely able to partner with a creative life for redemption and healing and heralding of good to come. Can I trust that that God, haven given me a particular giftset and role, does not need me to fill other roles where there is also great need? My decision to be an artist has involved the choice to trust that God has and will empower other people to meet need in other fields. I am me so I can’t be them or do what they do but I get to work alongside them and perhaps God has provided me with my giftset for their edification.
I think I can move forward now with the confidence that God is with me, is pleased with me, and is not disappointed that I did not choose vocational ministry. Certainly, all that is surrendered to God becomes part of God’s ministry. As long as I live faithfully, I am an instrument in that ministry, though for me that may not be tribal evangelism or pastoral work. I can apply myself to the creation of excellence, according to the gifts I’ve been given, in the faith that God is resourceful enough to use that which he empowered me with for good. I am not missing out by being faithful with my talent. Being available in this way is my honouring of God. He will provide effectiveness, fulfillment, and community as he is pleased to do. I can press through awkward development knowing that my needing time to grow into my role does not worry God. I am an artist, or at least that is part of who I am – enough so for me to justify a musical vocation. I am an artist discovering that God is an artist – that God is creative and free. God’s freedom and creativity are the foundation for my own.